Hurting the Ones We Love

Hurting the Ones We Love

“Have you ever noticed how the people we are most rude to are the ones we care most about, the ones we think we have the best relationships with? It’s because we think we can afford to not be on our best behavior with them. Isn’t that messed up? You’re more polite to someone you don’t like than to someone you truly love. I think that’s a fundamental mindset that needs shifting.” – Igor Ledochowski

It’s so easy for us to be cruel to our closest friends, to family members, and – most relevantly to this blog – to our lovers.

My girlfriend and I don’t fight much these days because we’ve been doing some constructive growing together, but there have been many times in our relationship where we fought a lot. And, just as I’ve seen my parents do countless times while I was growing up under their roof, I lost control of my emotions and ended up yelling at her many times.

We would feel contempt and disappointment toward each other, feelings that sting us more the closer we are to the people we feel them toward. It’s funny how we just let ourselves unravel and become less mature toward someone when we get closer to them. It’s like we project more and more expectations onto our partners while putting in less and less effort ourselves.

It’s because we humans naturally started taking things for granted, and we take things for granted more and more the longer we have them.

Just as Igor Ledochowski said, we’re too rude to the ones we care most about. When we’re out to meet strangers, on the other hand, we put our best foot forward.

I guess it might be too draining if we’re always putting our best foot forward at all times with everyone. And, of course, as men we want relationships that make us feel comfortable. We want to kick back and relax with no stress. We want room to just be ourselves.


And yes, we really should “be ourselves.”

But what happens when we reveal the worst sides of ourselves by relaxing and being ourselves?

This is something we should not avoid, and something we should not be afraid of experiencing.

The longer I’ve been in this relationship, the more I took for granted. I eventually saw some of the worst sides of myself that I never even knew existed. This has been very helpful in identifying how exactly I need to mature.

Still, we should always be mindful as to not hurt one another. One day, I thought of the times that I yelled at my girlfriend and thought of how absolutely ridiculous that was. Why would I be so angry and yell at my girlfriend? She’s just a cute little girl! She’s someone I have to protect and take care of!

That’s not necessarily gender-specific. We need to take care of our partners, and to let them take care of us. That’s why they are our partners.

And, as they take care of us, we always need to remember how precious their care is.


Don’t take shit for granted.



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