Managing Expectations: The process of making sure that the girl you are seducing doesn’t expect more than you’re willing to offer. For example, making sure that a girl doesn’t expect marriage when all you’re looking for is a one night stand.
FWB: Friend With Benefits.
The first layer of my process of managing expectations is something I’ve already posted in my Outer Game thread here: http://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/chiefs-guide-to-outer-game-vt75887.html
” As a practitioner of the pickup arts you have an obligation to try your best to adhere to the rule of “Leave her better than you found her.” Different people have different interpretations of this phrase, but regardless of how you see it, you need to manage expectations properly in order stay consistent with that rule.Another big reason to manage expectations properly is to quickly cut through bullshit that wastes your time and to prevent drama. So it’s really better for everyone. Don’t be afraid of losing a girl if she’s strictly looking for a relationship while you’re just looking to get laid with no strings attached. There are plenty of beautiful women who will fuck just for a good fuck, and they won’t try to attach all those strings to you if you don’t want them.So, how do we manage expectations properly? It’s simple, really:Tell her what you’re looking for, or tell her what you’re not looking for.For example, if you’re not looking for a relationship, one “I’m not looking for a relationship. I just want to have fun for now!” will suffice. If you actually are in this for a girlfriend, one “I’m looking to meet the right girl” will do just fine. Squeeze one of those types of lines into your conversation somewhere that’s contextually relevant.Sure, if you happen to have a random drunk hookup with a girl from the bar or club, most of the time it will be understood by both parties that it was just a drunk hookup and nothing more. Still, though, always manage expectations as a rule of thumb. Make your intentions clear as soon as you feel that spark of electric sexual tension in the air between you and her.Being honest will never compromise your seduction as long as you remain consistently honest. Besides, this model of seduction isn’t based on “value” like some other methods, so you have no reason to be dishonest in the first place when you’re using this stuff.Oh, and if you’re still unsure about what you’re looking for (girlfriend, fuck buddies, friends with benefits, one night stands, multiple wives, dominatrix mistress, etc.), figure it out first. How are you supposed to be upfront with your intentions if you don’t know what the hell your intentions are in the first place? Don’t be a blind guy flailing around in the dark. Man up and shoot straight. “
…but that’s not the end of it. There are more layers to it, and it involves some heavy frame control. I didn’t post this process in full detail in my Outer Game thread because this is specifically tailored to establish a “friends with benefits” relationship while my Outer Game thread is for general purposes. So, if you want FWBs, read on.
First off, what’s the difference between a Friend With Benefits and a Fuck Buddy? There’s a fine line between FWB and FB, but in my opinion they are different. A Fuck Buddy type of relationship is primarily built on no-strings-attached sex with little or no regard to building a genuine human-to-human connection, but a FWB is someone you actually care about as a friend. You see her as a friend first and a sex partner second. You share a limited amount of emotional connection and intimacy as any two good friends would. If you stop having sex (benefits) with her, you’re still friends. Sound good? Having both your need for affection and your need for sex fulfilled without commitment is pretty excellent. Sure, it’s not as deep and meaningful as an exclusive LTR but you get the chance to fill your life with female friends who fuck you. More abundance leads to a better position in life and a greater immunity to oneitis. So, without further ado, the following is my multi-layered method of managing expectations to make a wonderful FWB relationship with the girls you seduce.
Layer 1: Verbal statement
See above quote.
Layer 2: Establishing the roles
While the first layer of my expectations management involved an explicit verbal statement at the first sign of some strong sexual tension, the second layer is all about the roles you play and frame control after you have sex. The frame you establish will assign the roles that the two of you will play within the interaction(s) you share.
If you establish a frame of exclusive lovers, the two of you will play the boyfriend/girlfriend roles. In plain English, if you behave like a boyfriend, she’s going to start seeing you as a boyfriend. If you treat her like your girlfriend, she’s going to start seeing herself as your girlfriend. This is, unfortunately for you, a pretty standard frame that you’re going to fall into if you don’t do something about it. Being affectionate like an exclusive lover comes pretty naturally, and that might send her the wrong message.
You’re going to operate from a drastically different frame and play different roles here. Using frame control, you’re essentially going to put a cap on how much “attraction” she feels for you so that things don’t go in the LTR direction. How would we pull that off? It’s quite simple, really. Trigger her maternity instincts.
A competent man makes the perfect husband. You don’t want an LTR, so don’t play the role of a competent man. Triggering her maternity instincts is as simple as controlling the frame by playing the role of an incompetent boy. Let her take care of you by getting her to help you with menial shit like laundry, ironing, cooking, cleaning, money matters, and other daily chores. Have her take care of you if you get sick and show her how weak and pathetic you can be. Rely on her like a mommy. Do you have a good friend that you ask for advice and help on simple matters like this? Treat her like that friend.
No girl wants to be in a relationship with a guy who can’t even take care of himself, but they love taking care of kids. Triggering her maternity instincts kills any chances for romantic love to blossom. Romantic love bad. Friends who care about each other good.
On top of establishing a frame that triggers her maternity instincts, you’ll want to keep a safe emotional distance from her so that things don’t get too intimate. Don’t get too personal about discussing your/her feelings and shit. Keep the friendship as casual and cool as possible without devolving it to “acquaintances.” Cuddling is fine, but don’t overdo it. Be nice to her; don’t forget that she’s your friend.
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!
Layer 3: Solidifying the frame
This layer goes back to the mid-game, but also plays into the post-game like the previous layer. You will want to reinforce the we-are-friends-who-just-happen-to-have-sex-from-time-to-time-with-no-strings-attached frame with implicit verbal expressions.
At some point in your mid-game, you may find an opportunity or two to express your views on relationships and etc. If you don’t find one, make one. When my friend taught me how to play pool, he told me “there’s always a shot,” meaning that there is always a way to sink one of your balls into a pocket on any given turn. This is true for shit in pickup as well. There is always an opportunity for talking about sex and relationships, escalation, kino, framing, or even the right neg if need be. Seduction is a blank canvas and you are the painter.
When expressing your views, be sure to mention the right views that will further manage her expectations. I might say something like, “Yeah, I think everyone in the world just needs to have way more sex with more people without worrying so much about exclusive relationships all the time.” That, of course, is an extreme example, though. Calibrate according to your situation.
“Don’t you hate it when a guy you only met recently becomes so attached and obsessed with you just because you fucked him or even just gave him a smile? It’s like he desperately wants to be your boyfriend. I don’t do relationships because that kinda shit just creeps me out.” You get the idea. Use your imagination.
After sex, I like to give hints that she should have an active sex life outside of our own fun encounters. I do this because: 1. Actually having sex with people other than me will dramatically decrease her chances of wanting to be exclusive with me and 2. It reinforces the message that you don’t want to be exclusive with her. “So, you meet any cute guys when you went out last night?” I might ask something like this in a way a curious gossipy friend might ask.
Where to go from here
All in all, a FWB situation is pretty baller. Of course, as a rule of thumb you should aim to have more than just one FWB in your rotation. Furthermore, it’s easy to ease out of a good FWB relationship back into a “just friends” sort of situation if you don’t want to fuck her anymore. All you have to do is play up Layer 2, not have sex with her, and still be there for her as a friend. The FWB status is also good because you can easily get into an exclusive relationship with one of your girls if you find yourself falling for her or whatnot. All you have to do is frame control to switch roles from incompetent boy to romantic lover. And, you’ll know your feelings for her are genuine and not based on oneitis because you have other girls in your rotation. This shit is so full of win it’s not even funny.
As a final piece of awesomeness, I shall leave you with this: http://smokingkillsme.files.wordpress.com/2008/07/34j3rzm.jpg
Wish I read this 2 weeks ago. *sigh*
Great read btw, will definitely help me in the future, or to repair some of my bad frames used with this girl that agreed to be FWB. But I had not idea b4 what frame to use for FWB.
Thanks again chief.
Your fellow asian follower.