Korean Inhibitions

Korean Inhibitions

As some of you may already know, I’ve recently been hired into the Korea branch of PUA Training by the Korea-famous PUA Alexikakos, who shall later be translating this article into Korean for the Korean bootcamp students. Although I’m there to help out on the bootcamps taught in English for the foreign students, I’ve had the opportunity to observe and work with some Korean students as well.

I’ve never been officially employed by any real pickup company before this, but I still have plenty of experience teaching and coaching countless guys in America become successful with women. Guys who need to learn pickup from all cultures all have essentially the same types of problems; everyone needs more confidence, everyone needs to learn how to be less sexually judgmental, everyone needs to work on body language, everyone needs a better abundance mentality and internal locus of control, etc. The main difference between different cultures, though, is that the average guy from one culture may need to work more in one area than an average guy from another culture.

An important factor to look at when comparing Korea to western cultures such as that of America is the fact that Korea leans more toward collectivism. Koreans value social harmony and they don’t really like standing out from the crowd, at least compared to Americans. As a result, Korean guys tend to be less outspoken and more shy.

The problem of being shy for a Korean man isn’t as simple as him just feeling disinclined to approach women. That’s just one of many symptoms of a deeper issue. As I was trying to train one of the Korean students in field during a bootcamp, I started off by trying to get him out of his comfort zone by playing a game with him. I went out with him to the middle of the dancefloor where everyone could see us. I then told him to copy exactly what I did. I proceeded to do some silly things such as jumping around like an idiot. If you’re already familiar with pickup, you would know that this sort of exercise would help you get out of shell and thus perform better in field.

This student, however, was what you might call “stifled.” He was supposed to copy exactly what I did, but if I jumped two feet into the air, he would only jump up a few inches. He was far too worried about what other people might think of him. Now, I know what you might be thinking. EVERYONE who’s trying to learn pickup has this problem. They are self-conscious and inside their own heads way too much. While that may be true, it’s certainly more pronounced in Korean men. The fear of going against social convention here can be greater than the fear of being raped by a big black guy. If being gay were the hip new trend in Korea, all the men here would try to become gay. We can already observe this trend in Korea as many Korean men carry purses and wear makeup. Look at the male Korean pop groups and tell me that they don’t look like little girls.

Straight Korean men would rather look like these gay dandy boys than go against social convention. I think that proves how powerful the collectivist influence can be in this country.

Getting back to the point, it’s not just that these guys are shy. It’s a lot more than that. Korean men – and this is probably true for most Asian men as well – mostly grew up in a way that restricts self-expression. The pickup arts, like any other art, is all about self-expression. No matter which way you slice it, you need to know how to express yourself confidently and unapologetically in order to do pickup right. It’s going to be very difficult for a girl to like and trust anyone who always seems like he’s trying to hide something, and that’s exactly what these men are doing. They are trying to hide themselves.

If I’m describing you in the above paragraphs I’ve written, then you need to take some action to free yourself from fear and to peel away the socially imposed layers of shame that hinder your self-expression.

This issue is a matter of both inner and outer game, but like all things in pickup it’s mostly about habits. You can waste your days away with affirmations and other mental masturbation exercises like that if you want, but if you want to make some real changes then you need to start changing your behavioral habits.

The issue of being stifled and limiting your self-expression isn’t one simple behavioral habit, however. It’s something that’s manifested in basically everything that you do. It’s an attitude that doesn’t fear embarrassment, values the fundamental concept of expression of self (rather than trying to make an impression of someone else), and is far more concerned with what you think of others than with what others might be thinking of you.

Next time you go out, I want you to be thinking about whether or not your actions are a full expression of yourself of if you’re holding yourself back just because you don’t want to stand out from the crowd. If you catch yourself making the mistake of inhibiting your self-expression, then do whatever it takes to express what you really wanted to express! Make it a habit of acting more on your impulses and that will eventually translate into a more effective pickup.


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  1. Having been in Korea, I second that. Asian cultures are a lot more aware about ‘what other people think’ because it’s a less individualistic society (I’m chinese myself btw),so it was hard breaking out of this mold.

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