The Danger of Over-investment

The Danger of Over-investment

Today we have a guest post from Will Legend, dating columnist and founder of DecodeHer! Enjoy. – Chief

When used in finance, the term diversification means investing in a variety of assets in order to reduce risk. The idea is that more assets equals less risk. Well, up to a certain point – then the added security is marginal. In many ways, life is similar. You must invest your time, and more importantly, your emotions in a variety of places.

In elementary school, I joined the chess club. To be honest, I’m not even sure how I ended up joining; I think my parents coaxed me into an after-school activity so that they’d be able to pick me up from school when they finished work. At that point in my life, I didn’t have any hobbies, and chess was something that I became engrossed in.

The first year I was in chess club, I lost in the first round in the chess tournament that the club held. After that, I played computer chess almost every day and even read some strategy books. The second year, I was super stoked for the tournament. I destroyed my first couple of opponents, but lost in the semifinals. The sad thing was, I was winning, but it was a timed chess match, and I ran out of time. Once it had sunk in that I lost, I was emotionally devastated. I locked myself in the bathroom and cried for the rest of the day.

Clearly, I was overinvested. Please note that I’m not saying you shouldn’t work your ass off to perfect your craft. What I’m saying is that I was emotionally overinvested. I was so dependent on the outcome. All that mattered is whether or not I won that chess tournament that year. The lesson here is you shouldn’t be too emotionally invested in ONE aspect of your life. And that’s substantially easier to do if you’re actually diversifying, or investing your energy in multiple things. When it comes to dating, you need to adopt the same mindset.

RULE #1: You shouldn’t be too invested in one person (one woman)

…that is, unless she’s equally or more invested in you. Relationships require a fine balance between both parties to be sustainable long-term. Both parties need to give, and receive what they’d expect to receive. If you find yourself being considerably more invested than a woman, take a step back and analyze the situation. Are your emotions for her dominating your life? Are you acting needy as a result?

One solution is to date multiple people at the same time. Today, this practice is common, for both men and women. This is diversification – and it can prevent you from being that guy who’s always overly attached. Just make sure you are honest and open to your partners about the “other” women in your life.

RULE #2: You shouldn’t be invested in just one area of your life (dating)

So what if I followed rule #1, dated three gorgeous women at the same time, but all three of them broke up with me?

That’s a tough situation, especially if women are the core of your existence. There’s a lot to life, and no one thing should necessarily be at the core. Yes, there’s times in your life where you must focus intensely on only one or two things, but overall you have to invest some effort to find numerous things that make you happy.

What makes you curious? And what aspects in your life can you improve with some effort? Maybe it’s learning a foreign language. Maybe it’s learning to play an instrument. Maybe it’s working out or cooking. Or perhaps you’re thinking about long-term aspirations. Whatever it is, you should be living life with an emphasis on balance, especially emotional balance.

Will Legend is a dating columnist and the founder of DecodeHer. Liked this article? Check out his website and learn about what women really want. For four free videos on the hottest dating and sex topics, click here.

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