4 Ways Society Makes You Suck With Women

4 Ways Society Makes You Suck With Women

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There are many ways that modern society influences us negatively when it comes to women and dating. Fortunately, the pickup artist community seeks to undo the damage in order to turn men into men again, but many PUAs are oddly unspecific in terms of identifying what damage society actually does. I’m here to be specific.

1. “The first rule of Fight Club…”

the-first-rule-of-fight-club

The first and second rules of Fight Club are both “You do not talk about Fight Club.”

The first and second rules for men when it comes to dating and relationships seem to be “You do not talk about dating and relationships.”

Most men today have tacitly agreed that the subject of dating and relationships is not something that a “real man” would seek help with, let alone read a book about. And, generally speaking, it appears as though it is unmanly to get help or support with anything at all.

While it is true that a real man gets things done without having his hand held throughout his whole life, the fact of the matter is that we could all use a little bit of help every now and then, especially if it’s something that we are bad at. While society defines an integral aspect of masculinity as something too individualistic, we suffer the consequences of these societal standards through the lack of dating dialogue.

I couldn’t even begin to tell you how many times I have personally been ridiculed for my interest in the subject of pickup. Men aren’t “supposed” to learn about making themselves more attractive.

Women have a very strong and widely accepted community of dating help – every magazine targeted toward women has tons of articles about dating. They talk to each other all the time about the men they’re seeing and they support each other with valuable knowledge and advice. We men, however, have mostly just been on our own.

2. Male guilt

A lot of guys in the pickup artist community blame feminists for emasculating and disempowering men. I used to be one of those guys, until I learned more about what it actually means to be a pickup artist – someone who actually understands women.

Those bitter and resentful guys do have a point, though. The zero-sum game attitudes of feminism’s second wave had sought to undermine male societal hegemony in an attempt to shift the balance of power. The indirect casualties of this gender war included the common man’s sense of masculinity. In today’s western world, a lot of guys have become confused about what it means to be a man, and they constantly feel barraged by force-fed guilt from feminist messages.

What this has led to is a widespread male guilt. Not everyone experiences it, but many boys do. A lot of us grew up believing that handing over all of our power to women is the right thing to do. We grew up believing that we should fear women and respect them more than we respect ourselves because being a confident male who takes what he wants in life is old-fashioned and outdated in the same immoral way racism is old-fashioned and outdated.

Being forced to feel guilt simply for being born with a penis is unjust, and it messed a lot of us up. It made us put women on a pedestal and undermined our self-esteem, making us pathetically unconfident and utterly incompetent in the dating world.

This is why a lot of guys became resentful and misogynistic upon learning some stuff from the seduction community, and I was no exception. Fortunately, I eventually learned many things to turn my bitterness into compassion, like the fact that I was wrongfully generalizing women just like the second wave feminists generalized and blamed men as a whole.

3. Sexual shame

sexual-shame

This one ties in pretty closely with male guilt. You know what I’m talking about – “All men are perverts who only think with their penises!” More specifically, though, we are conditioned to be shameful of any sexual expressions that may “offend” anyone.

In most cultures of the world today, a twisted sense of so-called morality has overtaken the general public’s perception of sex. We teach children that hate is more acceptable than love by covering their eyes when intimate scenes appear on TV while implicitly teaching them that violence in media is no big deal. We scold our children for becoming sexually curious and teach them to feel shame for their natural drives.

Kids play “Doctor.” Men want women. Women want men. Sexuality is natural, yet we’ve repressed our own sexual expressiveness and damaged our own states of sexual mental health. We’ve spent years and years trying not to be sexually expressive, and that muscle of sexual expression has atrophied to the point where it can’t even do a single sexual-expression push-up.

We as a society have tricked ourselves into believing that sexual expressiveness is offensive, which makes absolutely no fucking sense if you think about it. “You are stupid” is offensive. “Every person of your race behaves in this ignorant way” is offensive. “Certain maternal members of your immediate family constantly demonstrate a lack of integrity by practicing infidelity on a regular basis” is offensive. “I want to have sex with you” is not offensive. It’s actually quite flattering.

If you haven’t figured it out by now, sexual shame makes you suck with women because you need to be naturally – and shamelessly- sexually expressive in order to be an effective seducer.

4. The media promises that you will be with a hot supermodel someday

the-media-promises

This one is a little complex, so be sure to stay with me on this one.

Look at your average commercial targeted toward young men. The message is usually something along the lines of, “Buy this product and hot women will throw themselves at you!” Axe (known as “Lynx” in Europe, I believe) body spray plays this up in their ads so much that it’s downright comical. Aside from commercials, look at every Hollywood movie ever. The story usually involves a male protagonist that does something that results in him getting together with the very, very attractive female protagonist at the end of the movie. The message is, “Your reward for accomplishing anything is a hot woman!”

All of these messages that we grow up with culminate in a deeply rooted belief that we deserve to have hot women. As Cracked.com writer David Wong puts it:

But we, as the audience, know that in the end the hero will “get the girl,” just as we know that at the end of the month we’re going to “get our paycheck.” … From birth we’re taught that we’re owed a beautiful girl. We all think of ourselves as the hero of our own story, and we all (whether we admit it or not) think we’re heroes for just getting through our day.

This mentality makes us objectify and commodify women. Not only is this morally reprehensible, but it also makes it inherently more difficult for us to connect with women. It makes it harder for us to relate with them. It makes us give off that “creepy” vibe. It makes us suck with women.

Now, with all that said and done, there’s something else I need to tell you.

Something much more important than all of the things on this list.

Blaming society and other people for turning you into a loser isn’t going to make you cool, and it certainly isn’t going to bring you any sort of justice. It’s important to recognize the specific external influences that negatively impacted you, but in the end the only thing that will do you any good will be to move on and go forward with the new information you have learned instead of looking back and dwelling on the past.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that you need to forget everything you just read. On the contrary, all of this information is important for you to know so that you’re better prepared for the future. However, don’t let that leave a bitter taste in your mouth. This world and the society you live in is actually a pretty damn great place. There’s just room for improvement.

That improvement begins with you.

Chief

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Comments

  1. Damien Campble says:

    You very often learn from pals especially girls that pick-up artist approaches don’t seriously work. The seduction community is way too open. The tactics are out there for all to see. Although it is undoubtedly accurate that individual techniques have low success rates. But the general basics still are relevant. We can easily observe the same thing in advertisements. Broadcast jingles need replacing with time, ads ought to consistently be changed. Advertisers change up the colors, slogans, ad campaigns consistently. But the elementary principles of selling and attraction are constant. As people, we’re programmed to react. Take a look at this social proof post about attraction and the underlying research principles driving this idea.

  2. TheVeryTruth says:

    Lesbians are everywhere nowadays.

  3. What women want and why PUA doesn’t work.
    1. Women want love, not sex without love.
    2. Women love sex, but no sex without commitment.
    3. We are raised in this way: if you want to get married, keep your underwear on your butt- tighter the better.
    4. Even if you manage to “seduce” a lady – you destroy her forever. Likely she will be cold and bitter and won’t ever trust another man because of you.
    5. We are not attracted to 2 types of men: – Peter Pan – forever PUA and a “nice boy”. Both are bad.
    6. If you want to be 40 something bitter, lonely, drinking dude, keep it that way. Forgetting about love makes you forget about your soul. Not having soul won’t help. You are not an animal, I believe. No point to be guilty about it.
    7. It’s ok for a teenage boy to sleep with a lady for several times to try this and try that – but a feeling of dryness and emptiness it leaves you with, a need for new attraction, new desire, new game is innate – no fault of women.

    • I like your comment; it’s very interesting to witness a woman expressing the views that you’ve so explicitly stated. I can tell you, however, that many modern feminists will disagree with your opinions (in particular, the first 4 items on your list) not on just a surface level, but at the fundamental basis of where your assertions are coming from.

      This isn’t to say that I’m some sort of expert on feminism. I’m still learning. I have learned enough, though, to tell that your opinions have been formed out of the patriarchal hegemony. I bet many women genuinely want sex only if it comes with commitment. There are many kinds of people out there. I’m thoroughly convinced, however, that the number of women who never want no-strings-attached sex at any point in their lives is very much in the minority.

      The patriarchal norm imposes many standards for sexual behavior on women in order to make them feel like they need to fit into the mold of what society wants them to be. You mentioned yourself that women are “raised in this way.” Have you ever thought what your feelings about this matter would be like if you were living in a society that wasn’t thoroughly dominated by men who aimed to control and commoditize women’s sexuality? It’s because of this patriarchy-centric commoditization of women’s sexuality that the normal societal view of sex is that virginity is what gives a woman enough value to participate in the marriage market.

      I don’t know what exactly gave you the impression that a PUA is some sort of Peter Pan that never grows up, but I don’t blame you. A lot of pickup artists are just a bunch of Fedoras. I will say, though, that it’s an unfair generalization in terms of what I personally think a pickup artist is. That’s all a matter of semantics, though. To me, a PUA is someone who’s on a never-ending journey of making himself a better man, all the while learning to express himself through seduction. In this definition, I wouldn’t be comfortable calling someone a PUA if they just never grow up. I do agree with you that many PUAs forget about love, but a lot of us are all about the love. I have personally learned more about love than I ever would have if I hadn’t involved myself in the pickup arts. I have always craved it desperately, and throughout the years on my PUA journey I have found it in many shapes and forms. Never have I ever forgotten about love. In fact I’m currently in an exclusive relationship with a wonderful woman and we have worked together to build a relationship that I would dare to call “successful.” It’s pretty lovely. We wouldn’t have had the chance to have this sort of fulfilling relationship if I had not studied and experienced what I had as a PUA, especially because I can learn from the experiences I have in this relationship in far better ways because of how I practiced learning from my woman-related experienced as a PUA.

  4. The West has made the contemporary woman and her sex an intrinsic commodity.

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